The Experiment

This is an experiment. Perhaps it'll help me, perhaps it won't. It might even help you. In all honesty, I doubt it will help either of us. I'm a realist, you see.

This is my twenty third day sober. Which makes it the longest period of alcohol-free-me since the summer of 2007 (which amounted to twenty six days, I think). I've tried to give up drinking in the past. God, I've tried. Until now, excluding that one summer, the most I've managed is about ten sunsets in a row. Pathetic, I tell myself. Because it is.

A little background on me; I'm not an old guy. In fact I'm only in my twenties. I'm kind of funny (people have told me). I'm fairly handsome (I've told myself). I've never been 'off the rails' in the traditional sense. I wasn't expelled from school, I've never hit a girl, and I even hold down a decent job. I often stumble into the office in yesterday's clothes, stinking of yesterday's booze. I fill myself with coffee and fight through it. I didn't even consider myself an alcoholic until recently. I've lied to partners, friends and I've lied to myself. But I'm trying to change, so bear with me.

Fuck. Add me to the endless list of narcissists screaming into the internet's faceless void.

Why am I doing this? There's such a lot to write about that I thought putting it on the page might be useful and introspective. After all, addiction not only takes over your life - it is your life - it becomes the way you define yourself, affects how you make decisions, all the while sparing you that old forgotten tart, Rational Reasoning. I'm still trying to work out exactly who and why I am and how I fit in, socially and within my own head. So again, bear with me.

I'm going to try to update this every few days. Apologies if I don't - there's a high chance I'll be in a bar somewhere. Nice to meet you. I'm a fucking mess, by the way.

- UnderReCover